So since my last post here (3rd April) things have not been great. Which is why I’ve not been here…. I’m back now and determined this will be my last hangover, over. I want to get to a place where I can’t even remember what a hangover feels like.
It’s just been a merry go round of binge drinking vodka, in May it was almost daily, then I got a hold on things in June, started exercising again but somehow still having one large night a week , and I just had two in a row this weekend and I’m through.
Saturday was a good day as I was enjoying being with friends and I did drink a lot but it didn’t feel wrong, I didn’t eat enough so did end up being sick during the night but I felt ok otherwise. But then, the booze that was left…I held the gathering in my garden for the 6 of us, so everyone brought alcohol and of course it wasn’t all drank, I took the wine and fizz over to my in laws but kept the vodka that was open in the freezer..a litre bottle! I never buy litre bottles 🤦🏼♀️
I drank throughout the afternoon, from a can of pop which I top up with vodka so it just looks like I’m drinking Pepsi, on my own, while being around my family. It is ridiculous. Then it got to the point where I put it in a glass and family noticed but as it was my first one they saw it didn’t seem wrong to them. I then got the vodka from home and brought it to store across at my in laws thinking I could be safe from it. But no, 9pm at night I get my keys and “walk the dog” over there, creep in and fill up my can of pop .
I’m waiting to hear from a hypnotist someone has recommended, has anyone else used hypnotherapy? I’ve tried before without success but no harm trying again…. I think that’s why I’ve mentally been thinking Its ok to drink at the moment Because it will be my last big blow out before I magically never want to drink again….I really hope that it is some sort of magic!!!!
I’m still trying to work out what the underlying issue is here, what is wrong with me, why can’t I just be normal with stuff like alcohol/ addictive things….why so extreme?
I think my last trauma is bothering me right now, maybe lock down makes me feel trapped again? But mostly it’s boredom as well, how can I be bored when I have three gorgeous kids to look after !!!!