Month 4, day 12

My sober time app tells me I’m on month 4, day 12 , yet I’m starting to feel more and more like day one! I’ve abstained, but I keep finding myself putting the bottle of nonsecco in the fridge to kill the craving, then realising that it won’t actually do anything and I’ll just be drinking bad tasting fizzy calories and I put it back into the cupboard. I suppose it’s a good distraction and makes me think about what I want. I don’t want empty wine calories back on my hips.

Although speaking of hips my partner is getting more concerned about my weight and is now wanting to weigh me and forcing me to gain some weight. It’s hard because I’m not cutting out foods mostly, or I wasn’t till he started weighing me! Now it’s a battle.

He says I look awful, and he won’t have sex with me until I look “better”. I do look thin but I can’t really help it. This week I’ve put cream in my coffee, eaten treats and whatever I’ve wanted, yet not gained weight , he says I have to stop running and exercising, but I love running!!! It keeps me sane. The worst thing was when he said it would be better if I just drank again, because I weighed more and didn’t think about food or exercise. That kind of makes me think why the hell don’t I just drink then!

It’s the lockdown that’s causing it, I was absolutely fine even over Xmas etc until the days became an endless cycle of feeling like swimming in circles, constantly paddling but getting nowhere.

Published by Sober Singer

A 30-something year old mum of 3 on a mission to life life alcohol free

18 thoughts on “Month 4, day 12

  1. Hi dear, oh I’m sorry to be blunt but your husband sounds so controlling and abusive! What awful things to say to you, and even to encourage you to go back to a toxic habit you’re working so hard to quit. Don’t listen to him one bit.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. For what it’s worth, I think you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Think how happy the sober time was around xmas and NYE with your kids and then weigh up the alternative. It’s so hard tho. I’ve been struggling the last few days too and get it. I’m on insta if you ever want to private chat xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hang in there, you’re doing great! Going back to drinking isn’t going to solve any problems, may make them worse. And if running is your outlet then that’s what your need to do. Do you want talk to a counsellor? I just started and it’s helpful to get another perspective.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it always helps, but just getting hold of one at the moment is so hard, and I can’t afford to go private. But if things don’t change I will end up having to ask the go for some kind of referral, but feel like if I ask for help now it will only make me emphasise the issues so I don’t look like a “fraud” when I get there down the line after 16 weeks a waiting list!x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Please see your doctor. If you think you are eating enough then maybe you have some other underlying health issue.

    And drink the fizzy juice.

    Hugs. I am also concerned about the comments you are getting, but I am trying to assume they are being made out of real concern for your health.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel for you and can’t give adequate advice, my issue is still the drinking but you’ve done sooo well. Don’t give up your alcohol free time, sex isn’t everything. If the empty fizzy calories go on your hips in time you’ll exercise them off and it’s better than alcohol calories which are bad for your physical health and mental health. As Ann says get on the list, if 16 weeks down the line you feel better you can cancel. Much love Ange x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel for you and there are no words adequate enough to help, you’ve done so well with the drinking. Sex isn’t everything and your sobriety and health are more important. The fizzy drink on the hips is better than the alcohol on the hips which causes more issues mentally and physically and impacts on your children. The running and exercise will combat the fizzy drink, if I remember rightly you had Ribena on NYE get some of that. As Ann says get on the list, if 16 weeks down the line you’re coping better you can cancel. I still remember your first post and you’ve gained so much since then. Much love Ange x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi

    WordPress won’t let me comment so here I am. I really feel for you and there are no words adequate that I can offer. I remember your first post and the offer you gave me to be your sober buddy, I didn’t and I’m still drinking. You’ve done so well and sex isn’t that important compared to your sobriety and health. The fizzy drinks on your hips is better than the alcohol on your hips which will affect you mentally and physically and impact on your children. The exercise and running will deal with the fizzy drinks, you enjoyed the Ribena on NYE have that again.

    As Ann says, get on the list, if 16 weeks down the line you’re coping or feeling better you can cancel. Prioritise you and what you need.

    Much love Ange xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are doing awesome on 4months and 12 days! Definitely not easy to do! I’m sorry to hear about your husbands comments and wanting to weigh you. He may be concerned but is going about it in a negative and not a supportive way for you. If you love to run I think you need to keep running! You cut away something toxic you love ( alcohol ) and replaced it with running. Just make sure your running calories get put back in your body for nutrition & fuel. If you still are losing weight maybe as said above seeing a doctor is a good idea. Im sure thinking of you! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Firstly, seek some help and support. Go see a doctor. I lost absolutely loads of weight when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I thought I was eating but my husband and best friend sat me down one day and told me I wasn’t! I looked very poorly. I am hoping the comments from your husband are because he is worried about you and doesn’t know how to help. Otherwise, they are very concerning indeed. Don’t drink. It will make all this so much worse. Seek counselling or therapy. It’s good to get support xxx

    Liked by 2 people

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