Weighing up the issues

Hey, I am so grateful for all the supportive comments on my last blog, Ill try to address some of the questions here and think out loud…

My partner weighing me – this does seem very controlling, but it is something I agreed to in my care plan when I was discharged from the ED team back in 2013 (possibly 2014 I cant remember!). I agreed to ‘spot’ checks if anyone was feeling concerned. But he doesn’t realise that this has now sent me into a world of numbers that I wasn’t even considering before.

I have been in denial – I haven’t been eating enough for a grown woman with the exercise I’ve been doing – but because I wasn’t intentionally ‘dieting’ and have been eating freely whatever and whenever – lots of chocolate – cream in my coffee always – I felt I was ok.

Now the numbers are involved I can see it’s a problem… I could go either way….I started wearing my fitbit again – under the pretence that I will know I need to eat more because it will show me the outgoing energy( or supposed as it is very generous!) but I feel like I may be using it more to ensure that I haven’t over eaten. I still have control of this, (that reminds me of things I would write about controlling alcohol).

So Im a bit stuck I guess. Ive been asked to look at numbers and realsie I wasn’t eating enough which wasn’t a problem in my head – I’ve been the happiest and most content I’ve been for a long time (since stopping drinking mainly)…but now the numbers are back in my head. I know my weight day and night, I count calories in, calories out…

I don’t want this to become an eating disorder blog but yeah. I do want to call the gp and ask for a referral somewhere but the NHS is under so much strain I just feel like it is unnecessary and selfish. I know I shouldn’t feel like this, but I do. What to do….

Im going to start a food journal so I can actually see that I need more, and what of – I basically eat sweets and chocolate and salad/ veg, coffee and cream. Im not supposed to be running/ exercising, but Im still struggling with this…making my runs shorter and workouts less intense to start.

Published by Sober Singer

A 30-something year old mum of 3 on a mission to life life alcohol free

6 thoughts on “Weighing up the issues

  1. I’m the other side of the scale and a binge eater. I know food journaling has really helped me. The biggest help tho was a food schedule. So eating 5x a day 2 snacks 3 meals. They can be any size and it really helped. I binged with the stress on sunday eve but it didnt escalate which normally it would. Thinking of you mate, it’s so hard xx

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  2. That’s awesome you are the happiest and most content since not drinking! My daughter used to run competitively. Journaling is a great idea and she definitely ate more due to the calories burned in running. She basically started journaling to find out which foods gave her good energy for optimum performance. She didn’t count calories or anything. Maybe make a meal plan like mentioned in the above comment. It really helped my daughter to do that. We planned our three main meals out for the week and then snacks for twice a day. I’m really thinking of ya! ❤️

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  3. As a fellow restrictive eater, an ED is nothing to play with. A food journal would send me into obsession…as would a Fitbit. Even now, 7 years later, I know these are tools of control and I would be lying if I said otherwise. I’m not saying you are, but just as yourself honestly if these are good for your mental well-being. Tread very carefully.

    Please call the dr. The sooner you start to manage this, the better. You deserve support, even during covid. Restrictive eating and exercise results in many health impacts. I had no periods for years. I now get stress fractures from loss of bone density. I was so very depressed.

    Hugs. Life is complicated! Don’t feel you have to solve this alone.

    Anne

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  4. Hey. Go to your GP. Honestly, under strain or not, you need to get help for this and the support is there. You are not alone, and you’ll notice that many of us sober gang have or have had issues with food or over exercising. Once you get help and begin to manage this, you’ll reduce any risk of it impacting on your long term health. You deserve it, you are worth it xxx

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