Things have changed…

Ok, I did drink last night. Im not ashamed, or upset, I’m annoyed at myself for forgetting but feel like this reminder was necessary, and I 100% don’t feel like I have ‘reset’ my clock – more like in 6 months I have drank one evening and that is still a massive achievement. I feel stronger going forward this morning, no more cravings at all, just a renewed sense of staying sober.

Now I know this could be a slippery slope and can’t just become a habit – I am very confident it wont.

This is how the afternoon went down – I did reach out for support, – I absolutely took in what was said, I think I felt like I had already decided. I bought a ‘nice’ bottle of vodka (poison) and steak for me and Mr A as the kids were staying at our support bubble for once. After speaking to some support I decided to wait until after my yoga class – I had told myself the vodka was a present for my sister if I didn’t open it (i’m still actually gonna give her the rest today but obviously not as a gift – more of a ‘get this horrid stuff away from me please!”

The yoga was a bit ‘meh’ – a new class and teacher and it was very slow, I was very keen to finish and crack on (which I recognised as the addiction anxiety trying to get me to drink before I changed my mind. I poured the drink just after 5, into the top of my can, so no one would know I was drinking….what an idiot.

Anyway, top and bottom is – I had about 10-12 units, I was drunk but not noticeably. I hated the taste. I thought I loved it but I hated it. I wasnt fully present for our romantic meal or film which is a big shame since it could have been really special. I didnt do anything I regret howver – no arguments or random texts.

I haven’t slept since waking up two hours after going to sleep, and have just had a very bad stomach! All things I should have reminded myself of. I HATE not sleeping.

So, I don’t feel sad or ashamed which I used to, and I’m not proud but I feel like I’m more on track for the next six months now, so now when asked I will say ‘I have only drank once in the last 6 months / 7 months/ 8 etc and I definitely don’t feel like I’m back at day one.

Published by Sober Singer

A 30-something year old mum of 3 on a mission to life life alcohol free

6 thoughts on “Things have changed…

  1. Good for you for not beating yourself up, and for reflecting on what happened! Every day is a new day. In fact, I tell myself every hour (every 5 minutes?) is a chance to get back in the saddle and try again. You’re on the right path.


  2. I have found not having any alcohol in the house was extremely important for me….even 7 years later.
    The truth is, once we decide drinking is an option, it seems inevitable. I know I lived like that for a long time…never staying alcohol free until I took the choice away.

    Knowledge is always useful. Use it for the future!



  3. Everyone’s journey is different. Reading all the various word press blogs will show you that. It’s is absolutely the right thing to not beat yourself up or go into a downward spiral with this. As Dwight said …new day and new dawn. Like Anne, I don’t keep alcohol (other than my husbands beers which I don’t like) in the house. I think if you have decided you will drink it will happen and even after 15 months I have shaky times that mean I can’t risk having it too available. That’s just me though. Keep going xx


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