Well, after my boastful post last week after drinking at the weekend before -things went as one would expect, but would have hoped not. I planned to give the rest of the bottle to a friend like I’d said, which didn’t happen. As Friday night went “ok” with the drink and I felt good still on Saturday morning I kept it and decided to drink again on Sunday. I started early, I drank a lot and tipped the rest down the sink. My partner knew I was drinking, so the cat was out the bag.
Was an ok evening and felt fine again on Monday morning.
So this Friday comes and in the shop I thought I’d buy a “one portion” bottle of wine to “treat myself”. Why🤦🏼♀️?
Had the wine at 4, drank it very quickly and made up some excuse to pop to the corner shop and bought a £9 bottle of vodka, which was a total of 13 units. I wasn’t going to drink it all of course!
But he’ll you know what happened? I drank the whole fucking lot. The wine and the vodka, so 16 units. I just couldn’t stop. I just had to drink it, it was a compulsion I couldn’t stop.
By 9pm I was a sobbing crying mess, I was texting my sister and best friend and talking shit and ended up crying my eyes out about life in general but the relationship mainly…
Ashley told me to get to bed and I did sleep till 6am, when I woke up still a bit drunk and the toilet roulette began. My stomach has had enough of vodka, I spent the next 2-3 hours sitting on the loo, sitting and shitting ugh! I had to send the kids to the in laws and lie down for an hour …starting to regain my brain by lunch time and got on with the day, obviously full of regret!
So…the moral of the story is just don’t fucking drink Lou! Just dont fucking drink, that’s it…not hard, not asking you to climb a mountain in flip flops or anything, just don’t drink!
It’s a new month, I have learnt from this and I have no desire to drink vodka ever again! No desire to be drunk ever again. Just no.
I came across this article today and it resonates with me-
The Child and The Sage
Our existence is marred by constant ambivalence. We swing back and forth between the impulses that we want to act on and what our sense of responsibility tells us to do.
On one hand, there is the promise of a better future, a tranquil mind and deep satisfaction within ourselves, on the other, instant gratification, fleeting pleasure, followed by bitter regret.
Inside each of us, two beings vie for our mind and dictate our actions: A spoiled child, unable to resist any indulgences. And a wise, thoughtful, and rational sage, wishing what is best for our future, who rewards us for work done well, promising big incentives to the little one if it follows his advice.
When a desire arises within us, it takes us by surprise and we run towards its accomplishment. Then, without even realizing what happens, we leave all theories of free will behind and remain in a sleepy state of automatic action… a voice from the core of our being tries to interrupt, but we easily suffocate it because we are so absorbed and caught up in what we are doing or saying.
Painful regret begins to accumulate, haunting us in our thoughts throughout the day, and finally, we decide to get down to do the work. We start only when the pressure has become too much to bear, or when our future and career are at risk. We employ titanic efforts to finish up on time. When we make it, we tell ourselves that it’s in our nature to leave things to the last moment and that it’s meant to happen like this anyway, priding ourselves as original and rebellious. If we don’t make it, we see the mistake and promise ourselves to change.
The daily face-off
The child manages to create the most outlandish excuses, presenting them to you as the most intelligent of reasons. It’s a cunning, irrational being that mostly responds to instant gratification. It leads you to ignore the sage who has been trying to convince you from the beginning.
The sage agrees to be punctual, to do the work on time, to put aside instant, easy pleasures in favor of lasting rewards, leading us from our daily comforts to an experience of true sensual pleasure we can only feel after passing a difficult trial. The wise man represents your willpower, the child your frantic impulses.
Recent research conducted by Roy Baumeister at the University of Florida found that our will power can be compared to a muscle. Like a muscle, it atrophies if it’s not put to the test often, for example if we fall prey to a routine of comfort and idleness. Like a muscle, you will lose its strength if you don’t call on it frequently.
Other studies have shown that even simple physical exercises, which require discipline and willpower, lead people to reduce their consumption of tobacco, caffeine, and impulsive spending.
It’s up to you to choose the character you give in to more often: The spoiled child or the thoughtful sage? Making this simple choice helps your favored character gain the upper hand, making it the one that dominates your personality