Still loving this new path I am on. This new lifestyle change and choice I have made to stop harming myself with alcohol. I have found my thoughts starting to wander towards other ways to be destructive however which isn’t comfortable. I know I’m just looking for a new addiction. Ones that my brain considers for example could be taking up vaping…now that’s not the end of the world but also spending money I don’t need and not setting a great example for my kids.
Or becoming obsessed with food or fitness again- I’ve found myself asking around for ephedrine pills which I know I would abuse and rely on and could kill me…so no. It’s the fat thoughts I think booze took away for me. But what do the fat thoughts cover up for me????
I Honestly don’t know the answer but I’m working on it. Last week I wanted to drink for the first time in ages after having a deep conversation with my sister-I text her about wanting to, and I didn’t and I felt great the next day. A temporary release for a lifetime of pain
Sober Diary 
I’m starting to get bored but then again I usually do this time of year around here. Winters dragging on and I’m over the snow. Seems when the warmer weather comes I have a whole new mindset. I have decided to get back into shape fitness wise. I’ve said this many times but I know when I see progress I won’t want to do anything to detour that. Getting over a mild case of COVID currently and then plan to start. You’re doing great!
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You too keep going!!
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Congratulations on day 49! I also found once I left the land of fog much “realness” surrounded me. Things I escaped from were definitely waiting. Some real work for sure ..but good work on yourself. Having a plan even if it changes as you go along is needed. I didn’t go the AA path but many do and that support helps. I definitely did more exercise which helped take some of sting out of the areas I needed to face in my life. Talking to others like you did is great too! Coming out here and posting also helped hearing from others. I guess what I’m saying is keep on reaching out. Proud of you …Giving up alcohol is the BEST thing you can do for your life! Trust me😊
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Thank you!!!x
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Just writing my fears really help, and so I hope it does you, too. Keep illuminating all the dark places, or they will just become darker.
xo
Wendy
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It is really great that you see your behaviour.
I have also had a history of destructive behaviour.
How about yoga? Quiet, still yoga. With no point except to be still.
It took me a long time to like that, but it was vital to changing my life.
Yin and restorative yoga and yoga Nidra.
Don’t take on new habits you know you don’t want. They are just distractions.
Hugs and love!
Anne
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So proud of you!! Look how far you’ve come. Hope you’re ok ♡♡
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Thank you!!xx
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