Ok so it’s Friday, almost a week since my binge last Saturday, and dreadful Sunday to follow. I’ve found myself saying a few times that I’m actually not “that” bad and a few drinks this weekend would be ok….hmmm I’ve said this many times before.
The festival is a very mini music thing to try and get live music going again in our home town, so maybe only 100 people there…my sister says she’s not going to drink either, as she is aware I’ve been struggling, she also can struggle with similar issues so the two of us together isn’t great when we drink as neither of us know when to stop.
I was going to take my car so there was no temptation but we won’t all fit so will walk…so I just have to be stronger for tomorrow. Knowing that even a few drinks tomorrow will lead to too many the next time, I just don’t want it. But I also don’t want it to be such a great big “thing” you know? So not putting too much pressure on myself, I would hate to have to reset my insta #100happysoberdays so I think I’ve got this! ☝️👌
Felt really fit last night and decided to do a half marathon as my weekly long run, was great!
I created my own hashtag…feel free to follow on Insta!
Got home from work tonight and could not be bothered to cook so I took the kids to Wetherspoons to take advantage of the promotional offers on at the minute…. had no intention of buying alcohol, which felt strange but also good not to worry about how many I could fit in in the short time we were there. Had iced water and a nice meal for £12 for five of us!!!amazing
Home now, all settled in PJs for the night, if this had been a drinking night I would have gone to get sneaky vodka and be in the same state I was on sat again. Why do I pour the biggest drinks possible? It’s so I can try to drink as much in as little time, like when you are a teenager and have no money to drink so just wanted to feel drunk as cheaply as possible….step out into the fresh air, head rush…stumble home, giggle…it was different then. Much different, it won’t be like that again.
Bought jason vale and enjoying it so far…just finding time to read is tricky!!
So I feel like shit. My head is killing me, my stomach is churning and I keep running to the loo….
First thing I did when I went downstairs was pour out the remaining vodka…. there wasn’t much left, the £9.99 bottle has 13.4 units in and I probably had 9…on top of the 4 free glasses of prosecco that kicked it all off… I was so relieved my singing went well and watching others sipping fizz in the sun I just didn’t even put up a fight…as soon as I’d had one I was asking for more, drinking fast so I could try and get as many free drinks in before we headed home…snuck out to the little shop to get vodka …. why!!!
I started talking shite to everyone, I was messaging people (nothing horrendous just pissed talk though which is annoying for people) and now I just feel rough.
I will buy the jason vale book today. Thanks for the support yesterday.. I definitely feel like now I know I just don’t want to drink…I achieved nothing, it’s set me back with my fitness and just nothing good came from drinking last night…I’ve got a festival with my sister next Saturday and I was worried about that because I thought I’d wanna drink but now I just know I don’t want to. I’m thinking of starting an instant account or something where I can count down from 100 days to keep myself motivated but might just stick with this
I’ve failed at staying dry..,but hear me out first…. I’ve been dry for 16 day (woo hoo) and my aim was to regain control…which I did,…now today I’ve felt guilty all day and beating myself up for drinking because of my blog but, here’s the but….it’s ok to have a slip,or It’s okay to set the clock back to day one with a new force ahead.
So it’s two weeks tonight since I got drunk last,well had a drink even – and I feel great. My body is healthier, my mind is healthier – then why have I just asked my friend if she wants to go out for tea on Saturday after I’ve done my singing set in the marketplace? I’ve been asked to sing at an outdoor event which is mostly about a Prosecco pop-up bar (and the lady said I could have plenty free Prosecco to which I didn’t answer at the time) and now my friend (who loves Prosecco) is coming down to watch , and I just text her asking if she fancied going for a meal and “doing something afterwards.” It’s like self sabotage ….🤦🏼♀️
So these Sunday afternoons are easily passed by with a vodka or four…going into Monday morning feeling groggy, guilty and tired from insomnia…. tomorrow won’t be like that, yet why do I feel compelled to go out and have “just one” at a pub…which may lead to two which by then I may as well go buy a little bottle to finish the night…. NO
I don’t want that, but I am craving it right now, not the downside I’m craving obviously just the safe, familiar….instead of the unknown….
I’m so much healthy now, food wise too I’m eating good food , I ran 10miles on Thursday, 3 yesterday and 6 today so I guess I’m finding it easier to be active too, which makes sense …thou shall not drink today!!
Just taking it one day at a time, not sure about tomorrow but I’m not drinking today!