I had a session with a life coach yesterday on zoom – she is an amazing woman! I saw her last year to do hypnosis to cut back on drinking and it helped so much. Now I’ve decided it just a ‘no full stop’ to drinking I wanted to see her again. I did a look back through my diary and saw the drinking days of the last month -( see image below), I can see what a terrible spiral I’ve been in with wine drinking.
I had a huge argument with my mum either the week before of two weeks before the start of November. She told me she was suicidal and all sorts of crap, I now believe it was all manipulation as she was in the wrong and can’t ever admit it. Since then me and my sisters have been talking together and are able to join up lots of dots. Turns out my mum is a narcissist. It a big accusation to throw at her but there is lots of supporting evidence, and it’s not like we need to confront her or anything just that we are going to better equip ourselves to manage her behaviors. Anyway, Nov 6th was when I did the charity gig and got given a free box of wine, which kicked off the whole cycle. To be honest when I’ve looked at the dates it feels like this wine drinking has been going on for longer than 4 weeks. I mean the patter is obvious – Sunday afternoons, I’m off Fridays and visit my mum Thursdays…hmm
anyway – what I discovered yesterday is that I need to start to change my core beliefs. This is the belief that I am worthless, and that I will be abandoned. I will come back to discuss these issues and what led up to them, but I feel I may finally be able to change these beliefs and put things right in my head.